Blogging = Mental Masturbation?

It’s been awhile since I posted anything. I’m moving farther and farther away from blogging, I think. It takes a lot of time to write stuff that no one really reads anyway. And besides, I have a history of getting into trouble because of what I think or feel or dream. Nearly every blog post I make these days offends someone. Not in the sense that I’m trying to be controversial or anything, or that I’m trying to stir up trouble. But if I’m depressed and write about it, some people take offense that I’m not happy. If I write about spiritual stuff I get into trouble because someone thinks I’m bashing Christians, or takes offense that I don’t consider myself a Christian. If I write about my recent past and losing nearly everything I own, other people take offense that I could suggest that anyone else deserves to share some (or most) of the blame.
I don’t know. When you look at it like that, there’s not much of an incentive to write anything. Plus, I keep thinking about all of the hours I put in front of a computer doing blogs, or scribbling away with a pencil in a notebook. How many books could I have written in all that time? I’ve been keeping a journal of some sort since my grandmother died in December of 1986. There’ve been some good moments in all of those scribbled meanderings, but mostly it’s been a load of self-indulgent crap.
I suppose the demise of my blog also has to do with the fact that I have so many outlets for my opinions now. Instead of blogging about movies I’ve watched these days, I’ll make a quick remark about one on Facebook when I rate it. Instead of blogging about new music, I just tack it onto my “Current Favorites” box in the sidebar of my web site. If something political comes along that I want to rant about, it winds up on The Watch. If I talk about the band or new gear, it winds up in the music section. So… really, there’s not much point in keeping the main blog. Although I admit that along with the Genealogy database, it’s the biggest draw on my web site (around 200 visits a day… ya sick bastards).
Really, though, I’m going to be totally honest, I’ve mostly started thinking of abandoning this blog because I’m always too busy. If I’m not writing, I’m working on music. If I’m not working on music, I’m working on the faery drawings. If not that, I’m tweaking web sites. If not that, I’m playing with my band, or learning songs, or working for my brother. Somehow among all of that it hasn’t seemed very important to me to jot down how I’m feeling on any given day.
Honestly, I feel like some change is coming. I think it’s going to be good, and I think it’s much needed. But I’m at a point in my life where I feel like the clock is ticking, and I realize that I’ve already spent too much of my life writing about the things I’m going to do “someday”, rather than just getting off of my fat ass and getting them done. There’s definitely not a shortage of ideas.
So… here’s a rough breakdown of the state of the empire, all goings on within it, and the general course of the mighty battleship, HMS Wicasta.
WORK – I work part-time for my brother’s company, DJ Pro Audio. Essentially, I’m the shipping department. Well, I was until USPS lost five packages. There haven’t been many orders sent my way since then, and I’m hoping I haven’t lost the honor of shipping out the parts. For one thing, we desperately need the money, and it’s my only reliable source of income.
BAND – We’re picking up speed, and hope to start playing more on the weekends with some paying gigs. That means that there’s going to have to be some solid effort and investment of time and energy. All of which are precious commodities to me. But I think Systematic Chaos has the potential to make a mark. Not so much as the cover band that we currently are, but with future projects and possibilities. The three members are an interesting blend of dynamic personalities and talents. If we can’t make a go of it, no one can.
BOOKS – I’m still working on various stories. I need to finish the short story Billie and get it out there. Not only might it make me a little money, but being out there in the ether only gets my name out there. I also need to get back to working on my current novel project, featuring my vampire character, Crewe. It’s a great character with a compelling story, and it’s all set in Saint Petersburg, Florida (I don’t know why the thought of vampires in Florida amuses me, but it does). I have dozens of other writing projects (I haven’t forgotten about the perpetually unfinished M.E. Caldwell), but Crewe demands center-stage. I need to flesh this out and get it rolling.
MUSIC – I’ve just started working on music based upon the Crewe novel. All sorts of musical tidbits have fallen into my lap because of this story, and I think it needs to be explored. It’ll be interesting to record the music while I’m writing the book, and maybe keep notes on how each affects the other during the process. When it’s finished, I can see either pandering it out to record labels, or just doing it myself, selling CDs on CD-Baby or directly through the store on my web site, or even putting the CD into the back of self-publishes books. All I know is that just as my writing is obsessed with Crewe at the moment, so is my music. I love playing with Systematic Chaos and will continue to do so, but I’m honestly not that invested in playing songs written by other people. I’ll love getting out and playing more, but it won’t remotely be the end-all of my musical ambitions.
FAERIES UNDERFOOT – My line of faeries needs to be brought into reality. Hell, I still haven’t finished the first one, because I can’t figure out how I want to do the border in the background. But I’ll get it. And I’ll move on. Working on the first one has taught me a lot about how to use my computer painting program, Corel Painter X. The next ones will come a lot faster, because they will be done almost exclusively on the computer. Less editing, and less need to correct all of those pesky analog artifacts (such as smudges and paper texture). But we’ll be making prints and t-shirts based on them. Hopefully we’ll sell enough to consider it extra income. Plus, we can always take this stuff to the outdoor festivals that’ll be happening locally later in the year.
CANDLES – Victoria gave me a great idea. She decided to start making a line of candle rings out of my old guitar strings, and that idea eventually led us to think about making our own jar candles to go with them. Well, once we were thinking about that, I started looking at molds for pillar candles and thinking about figurines I could make that would incorporate tea cup candles. A brand name immediately came to mine (Wic’s Wicks), and I also started thinking that maybe we could make some candles and sell them on my PaganCentric web site (which inexplicably gets about 200 visits a day, with virtually no information there). So, we could sell Wic’ Wicks and PaganCentric branded candles on our web sites and in our eBay stores, and at least my candles could come with my web page address on the label, which would just drive people back to the site(s) and my music, writing, art, etc.
All in all, I have a lot on the table. Somehow among all of this, keeping up with my blog doesn’t seem all that important. I’ve spent too much of my time already blogging for the sake blogging. I don’t want to find myself sitting in front of a computer decades from now, thinking about the time I almost got off of my ass and did something. Even if I don’t sell a damned thing, there are worse ways to wind up than surrounded by your work, and dozens of examples of your rampant creativity. At least these things would exist in the real world, as opposed to being proverbial vapor adrift in the ether. Even as I write this, I’m painfully aware that these words that I’m typing exist only as pixels arranged in a pattern on a computer screen. Should the power go out, everything I’ve just written would be gone. And even if I should save it (I just did), this will likely never be printed. So these words will never exist in a real, physical form. If that’s not an apt metaphor for my recent distaste of blogs, I don’t know what is.