Even More Unexpected Resolution

I got a phone call from Epes this morning.
Much to my surprise, my dispatcher called me and informed me that he and one of the higher ups had talked it over, and that they were will “to give it another shot”. Believe it or not, I was able to play humble in regard to what happened Friday, and I told him that honestly I’d like to give it another shot, too.
I got the impression from his tone that he was making a phone call he really didn’t want to make. So I can only assume that someone else read the satcom messages that I sent to him yesterday. Someone read my measured apology and decided that I deserved another chance. Now, for all I know my dispatcher brought this whole thing to the attention of his higher ups himself. But from his tone, I doubt it.
This means that I’ve had to accept sole responsibility for what happened Friday. It also means that in this professional relationship, my dispatcher may very well have the upper hand now. I mean, I get the impression that I’ll be on double secret probation and all that. But I don’t really have much direct interaction with him anyway. I should be able to jump through whatever hoops that are required by the company to make amends for my sins.
I’ve been going over this in my head. Obviously I want to stay with this company. Change is a hassle. But also, I’m doing alright here. Epes is a known quantity. And while I know what to expect from U.S. Xpress … well, I know what to expect from U.S. Xpress. I don’t think I’d make as good a salary at U.S. Xpress as I do with Epes, and I’d lose my weekends, as well. And, of course, I don’t know what to expect from any other company, either. I suppose I’m simply more comfortable with the status quo.
I’ve had to swallow my pride here, and accept more than my fair share of the blame for what happened Friday. But there are some things which have been on my agenda for over a decade that were just beginning to play out. This is not a good time for delays, or switching to another job where I might make less money. That’s the main reason I’ve been kicking myself for the last few days. Not because I made my dispatcher pout. Not because I felt like I had been unreasonable or anything. But because I was just beginning to get the ball rolling on some long-standing projects, and I let being my emotions get in the way of that.
I’ve gone over a list of valid reasons why I blew my stack Friday. Every one of them stands up to scrutiny. But in the end, the big thing that kept staring me in the face was the fact that I was only hurting myself here. Whether or not I drive for Epes is likely not a problem anyone at Epes loses any real sleep over. So my perceptions must shift. I’ll do whatever I have to do for this company because it benefits me.
And, well, because that long list of things I intend to do between now and August is sacrosanct.

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