I’ve been thinking about this blog a lot lately. Deep in my heart I have a nagging sense that I should abandon it entirely. Too much time and effort goes into it, and for what? Of course, I’ve sang that refrain often through the years, and yet here I am still.
What I’ve decided to do with this blog may seem like an odd decision, but it’s based upon precedent. Back in my truck driving days I had a lot of people who regularly read my blog because they liked the way I wrote about my life. It was easier to write things back then. I was a truck driver who was traveling the country, and that in itself often made for interesting posts. Now, though? I’m unemployed and spend my days submitting job applications, stocking our web stores, cleaning up the house and recording music or writing. There’s nothing much that happens during my day that’s worth writing about. Or at least nothing that lends itself to interesting prose.
But even as I write this, it occurs to me that there actually is a lot to write about which would be interesting. But I don’t write it. When I blog about anything, it’s always about what’s bugging me, or my opinion on a particular issue. It’s rarely about the things that are happening in my life. It’s always about what I’m feeling.
What I need in my life right now is a shift in focus. When my marriage dissolved in 2006 and I lost most of what I owned, my perspective shifted decidedly to the negative. It was a defense mechanism for surviving the things I was going through. A purification by fire of the soul, as it were. But even when I came out the other side, moved to Florida and started a new life with Victoria, I clung to some of those negative perspectives. I genuinely, literally need to change my way of looking at things. At this point, I think my attitude is one of the things that keeps me from moving forward. I’m still a little angry and bitter at the world, and I have no real reason to be. I’m alive and am living with a wonderful woman who “gets” me like no other woman ever has. Financial difficulties aside, my riches are abundant.
I recently added a sitemap for this blog to Google WebTools (so that it might be indexed better). The total page count for this blog was over 2,000. That means there are over 2,000 posts in this blog – and those only go back to 2003 or so (there are a few random posts from earlier years, but they’re few). The bulk of my journal, going back to 1986, still remains offline. If that doesn’t sum up how much time I’ve wasted in my journals through the years, I don’t know what does. So… if I can’t break this habit, how can I change it to better suit my need for a shift in focus?
Sometimes our lives reach a point where we realize that we’re going to have to start doing some things differently if we’re going to progress. I feel like I’ve been sitting on the same rock for years. I know a few small baby steps aren’t significant in and of themselves, but journeys are begun in such ways. Destinations are reached in such ways, as those single, small, insignificant steps add up.
I’ll be writing something later to get the ball rolling. Mostly as a test. If you’ve wound up here reading this, I don’t expect you to particularly care. But if you’re a frequent reader of my ramblings, I think you’ll soon find yourself entertained by newchanges. Assuming, of course, that I don’t slip back into bad habits.
In summation, what I’ve decided to do with this blog is to approach it differently. I’m going to write less but write better. And I’m going to write more about what I’m doing and less about what I think and feel. The longest journeys are made in such ways, one small step at a time.
