What's Killing Me

Heading out. Still annoyed that I had to work today. But being in motion is a natural state for me. So however much I may grumble today, I’m more comfortable now that I’m on the move again.
I have plenty to occupy my thoughts today. If I wrote a quarter of this stuff down, my blog wouldn’t be so boring. Mostly it seems that I reserve the blog for whining about truck driving. I’d like to change that, but I just don’t know how.
I wish I could say I got excited about something. But I’ve just locked down and armored up. I know that at some point I’ll look back on this phase of my life as a very dark time. The inference there is that it will get better. But right now I’m crossing the river Styx and knowing that if I make it I’ll have stories to tell. But this journey isn’t fun at all. Much less exciting.
I’m hoping that eventually I’ll find a spark somewhere. I stopped buying infrastructure stuff for awhile. Cases and effects processors and the like are necessary components. But they’re not very much fun. I’ve had an effects processor on the truck with me for two months. As much as its potential thrills me, it’s not something I can use right now. So it remains a theoretical thing.
This month I changed up. I ordered my software based virtual amplifiers. Amplitube 2 for guitar and Ampeg SVX for bass. Each one gives me access a virtual room room full of guitar and bass amps. Geez, can you think of anything more fun for a musician than getting to romp through a collection of of the world’s greatest amplifiers? Even if they’re virtual versions?
Next month I’m going to order my keyboard controller and GigaStudio. So next month I’ll have a world of sampled sounds to play with, as well as the software version of the Korg M1 that I’ve already bought. And I’ve ordered a new copy of Windows XP so that I can get my laptop straightened out and make all this happen.
The fun is what I’ve been leaving out. I’ve been all about working and making money. Surviving and moving forward.
Well, I hope the new goodies will help to change that. As much as I like playing World of Warcraft, it’s more of a release valve than exciting. And smiting things is not exactly a creative endeavor. What I miss, and am sorely lacking, is the creative outlet. I think that’s killing me.

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